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Diary Dramatica - Feb 18, 1980

   - Terribly Earnest

Last night I went on my first real date! Me & JK went with VR and LM. We drove to Lakewood and saw Chapter II. It was neat. I kissed him 3 times. 2Wice in the car and once on my porch. He told me that he likes me, but I only wanna be friends really. I don't know if I'm gonna ask him to the Sadie's yet. He's a senior and all and he's so nice! But I'm not into getting into any relationship or anything.

On Saturday me and my Aunt went out with SA and her mom because they went to school together. It was fun. SA is much more experienced than me! Geez! I knew she wasn't a virgin, but she is really not one. She has given head and let a guy have oral sex with her. She even told me that she did a 69er. What that is, is when the boy and girl have oral sex at the same time. It seems kinda awkward, but you can see where they get 69. Get it?


I still feel uncomfortable frenching. It's nice and all, but it can get a little slobbery. I know I'm getting older and more mature because now I don't really wanna do those things in public. When you do it in front of people it's just showing off. And I know that you should really feel something for the guy before you do that. I learned that last nite. I felt kinda weird after I kissed VR like that. I guess I'm afraid he'll think I'm easy or something, I'll know better next time.


Apparently hand-models can continue getting work well into their 70s. Creepy work, but still ...

I'm not saying nuthin bad about SA or anything , cause you know I wouldn't. But a kiss like that “good-nite” wouldn't mean nothin special to her, I don't think. I mean, if she lets a guy do something like that. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe she isn't like what I think. But geez, no guy has ever touched me or nothin, except my butt when we were dancing or kissing, and I have clothes on then.


But she's only 14 and I'm 15 and she is so far ahead of me. She likes this 19-year-old (the 69er one) and it's like a big deal that she goes out with the “old” guy. Well, CK is gonna be 20 soon. I never even thought about it though. Like if some people, or their moms, knew that I went places and hung around with this old guy, they'd be shocked. But we're such good buddys that my mom would never think 2wice about me going almost anywhere with him.


But even knowing that, SA liking a 19-year-old makes it sound old, 'till I realize CK is almost 20 and I just go “so what?” I guess J (SA's guy) is really different though. Like, I don't think CK would do that with some 15-year-old. In fact, I know he wouldn't. Like, I don't feel threatened by CK, JK or DK. I guess sum chicks would be nervous going places with older guys, like their best friends brothers. But I grew up with them. They're like brothers to me.


SP is goin with sum other clown. I never even talk to her anymore. I'm not gonna tell her I went out, either. That would be like bragging and it would ruin anything. I'll tell CL, DA and SA, but probly no one else. But SO can't go nowhere with guys or nuthin', and she'll go around with anyone that asks her. I don't mean to be mean, but I can't see how she can fall in and out of “like” so fast. Her and TC break up and she's going with KE in about 2 weeks. They break up and she likes JB.


Don't tell nobody, but I think she just goes around with guys as a status symbol. No really, I think she finds sum kinda security in going with guys. It's like “Hey! Look at me! Ten guys like me!” CP told her he knew 10 guys that liked her.


I think it's sad. I am happy when I'm goin with someone and when I'm not. But I think SP is only really happy when she thinks guys are swooning all over her. But I don't know about that kinda stuff, it seems kinda phony to me. I think if you broke thru those chick's shells, you'd find a person who wants someone to talk to and know will always be there and they go from one guy to another looking for that.


I know I have friends that will always be there. So I'm lookin for a guy who will be gentle and soft, and will care about how I feel and understand me. I want a guy who is honest and not all phony like the other guys I used to think were so great.


Like, I know that those guys who go for who go for built, beautiful chicks aren't my type. They want kissin' an' petting all the time. Ya gotta watch out for them 'cause as soon is they get what they want, they're gone.


And I gotta go now 'cause it's late and I got school tomorrow.


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